TODAY. RIGHT NOW. RIGHT HERE. THIS IS IT, THE MOMENT
YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR. PREPARE YOURSELVES. The comedy oriented blog post
of a life time is in its early stages of birth. Like a supernova about to shine
its brightest, the Wright Brothers on the verge 
of mastering their flying
machine, and water being bottled for the first time ever, this bang of a post is about to be so big they might even have to rename the show. When I first heard
last week that it was finally time to let our creative minds dip their long,
neatly clipped toes into the hot springs of humor and dabble with all the
endless possibilities it would present, I became overwhelmed. Like seriously,
how often do we really get to write about ANYTHING as long as it’s somewhat
comically based and doesn’t not un-deter from not at all making any anti- nonsensical
statements. This actually is too good to be true. I feel like I should be out
standing on a cliff somewhere overlooking a vast herd of majestic wildebeest as
I write this in the vibrant Tanzanian sunset just radiating a valiant aura of
epic proportions while being narrated by James Earl Jones (Now that’s a
descriptor sentence). With every strike my fingers make on the keyboard of my
2015 Microsoft Surface 3, a golden bolt of lightning should stream out across
the sky as the Old Spice guy’s face appears and says something like “Believe in
your smellf”. Yes, its that big of a deal.
of mastering their flying
machine, and water being bottled for the first time ever, this bang of a post is about to be so big they might even have to rename the show. When I first heard
last week that it was finally time to let our creative minds dip their long,
neatly clipped toes into the hot springs of humor and dabble with all the
endless possibilities it would present, I became overwhelmed. Like seriously,
how often do we really get to write about ANYTHING as long as it’s somewhat
comically based and doesn’t not un-deter from not at all making any anti- nonsensical
statements. This actually is too good to be true. I feel like I should be out
standing on a cliff somewhere overlooking a vast herd of majestic wildebeest as
I write this in the vibrant Tanzanian sunset just radiating a valiant aura of
epic proportions while being narrated by James Earl Jones (Now that’s a
descriptor sentence). With every strike my fingers make on the keyboard of my
2015 Microsoft Surface 3, a golden bolt of lightning should stream out across
the sky as the Old Spice guy’s face appears and says something like “Believe in
your smellf”. Yes, its that big of a deal.
Well anyway, enough
about me. TIME FOR THE POST. Seriously, it’s so good. I can’t wait until you
guys read it. UNLEASH THE STORY (Like the Kracken from “Clash of the Titans”
but instead of a giant Octopus monster/demi-god it’s a blog post). PRETTY
SIMILAR THOUGH IN MY OPINION. Ok, well here goes. I am now officially beginning
my ascent to comedic blog infamy. It took me almost 3 full days of intense
meditation to actually even come up with this idea too. That’s really the secret
behind finding inspiration to write (Fun Fact). An intimate, uplifting meditation
session followed by a good hearty bowl of Raisin Bran, an integral part of any
balanced breakfast, will send the brain into a maniacally unstoppable rampage
of writing genius. In fact, I’m eating a 
bowl of those miracle flakes right
now. One could probably pin that as the catalyst behind how astronomically
astounding this blog post is going to be. Now that the feature presentation is
about to begin, a few questions need to be addressed beforehand.
1. Yes, this story is, in fact, based off of true
events surrounding my life.
2. Yes,
this story is, in fact, excruciatingly embarrassing for myself and may or may
not include tremendous amounts of nudity.
3. Yes,
this story is, in fact, not available to the public anywhere else, although purchase
of said story is possible. Price negotiable.
4. Yes,
this story is, in fact, NOW for real this time, about to begin.
HERE WE GO…
A-
Solid trolling/10 your use of similes was epic and I especially like the James Earl Jones one!
ReplyDeletefunny as shit. lmao. love how you keep getting people excited throughout the post and then never really telling your story. good gif at end lol. water being bottled for the first time was hilarious
ReplyDelete