How many times in the average life span does one perp
ride in an elevator? Yes, exactly, what a great question that is I know. (Where
the hell could I possibly be going with this that it would have anything to do
starting a social movement? WELL, light the torches and grab your pitchforks because
I’m about to open your eyes to one of the most overlooked opportunities of your
lives.) You see no one really knows how many times they’ve ‘vator’ed because no
one pays attention to it. YES, I understand it may only just appear to be a
metal box of roughly 15 square feet attached to a few cables, BUT, one must
delve a little deeper, dabble with the idea of magic, and think outside of this
large metal box in order to see the true golden ticket to the Willy’s chocolate
waterfall of opportunity this really is. PICTURE THIS, you’re standing in a
relatively well-lit, space restricted room with absolutely zero conversation
avoiding elements built into it whatsoever. There’s always a moment or two upon
entry into this mystical box of wonder when you get to admire your forehead in
the ceiling mirror and ask yourself if the song playing through the little
speaker on the button panel is the same one from that Whole Foods commercial you
saw last week to really get those conversational animal juices flowing. THEN
OUT OF NOWHERE, two executives and the CEO of the major corporation you’re on
your way to interview for walk into the little room with you. WHAT DO YOU
DO!?!?
Option A: Unleash a whirlwind of the most foul
smelling intestinal gas spearheaded by that double meat and cheese burrito you
ate for lunch 2 hours prior to this exact moment, smile in the corner because
despite the utterly devastating effects this travesty of a body movement would
have on any living organism it touches you’re still kinda proud of it, and then
blame it on the other guy with watery eyes currently gas masking himself with
his suit jacket.
Option B: Proceed to sit in the feeble position and
begin crying uncontrollably, scream random nonsensical things at the top of
your lungs every time one of the three gentleman try to help you, and then
sprint out of the elevator the next time those big silver doors imprisoning you
in this apparent box of despair open up to the outside world.
Option C: Pull the fire alarm thus stopping the
elevator in between floors utterly trapping you with the brass of your dream company,
break the one and only light in the small oxygen-limited room your trapped in,
and begin chanting voodoo in an attempt to cast spells on them.
Option D: Try to kiss the CEO.
Option AA: Strike up a rousing conversation with the
three fine gentleman showing them just how tremendous of a person you truly
are, crack a few light hearted jokes about the one with the nerdy glasses, and when
those shimmering chrome doors open again (to the right floor this time) lead them
out in Moses-esque fashion across the company floor arms spread wide, chin up,
gazing out upon the vastness that is now your new kingdom and leave such an
outstanding impression on them that you might as well just start moving your
stuff into that empty corner office.
I think we all know what the correct answer is here. Option C DOES make it as tough a decision there
can be, I know, BUT personally I would have to take AA in this scenario. One can’t
pass up an opportunity like that!! Save your spell casting for park benches and
bus rides, when it comes to riding in an elevator and a once in a lifetime
opportunity presents itself like that you need to be prepared to pounce!! In
other words, don’t be one of those people huddled in the corner with your head
down buried in your phone or who knows what else. A simple hello with a side of
smile and not will this person try to smell me if I get to close to them vibe
can go a long way when in close quarter situations such as an elevator ride.
You never know who’s gonna come through those glistening doors next, maybe it’s
the love of your life or even your next employer, so remember to stay on top of
your game and, most of all, enjoy the ride.
